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My own flesh and blood wouldn't even spring into action to make sure I would be alright. I was met with cruelty and more emotional distress, but not from my dear friend! This a friend that I am awake with. The sweet and pleseant thoughts that fill my mind snd heart are simply too much to put into words. I am awake filled with tears of joy and this friend of mine gave me sooooooo much. This friend gave me back peice of mind, wishes me well, safe and happy.

To you, my friend (and you know who you are), I just cant thank you enough for being there for me. There aren't enough ways to say thank you to you. You chased away the true darkness and Im no expert at how this works...but I believe there is a Heaven, and that you will have such a special place waiting for you there. You answered my prayers....you truly mean the world to me! Thank you.

Thank you for being you! It's off to bed I go now for a nap.....and my dreams will follow soon.....and there will be no more restlessness or nightmares. You have done the impossible for me...*smiles warmly before retreating into that warm bed. *

Though I'm thankful for many friends here, I am especially thankful for a certain somebody who has brought me much....calmness through the recent chaotic up's and downs. This person KNOWS full well who they are too. Without them, I have no idea what I would have done about an intense and rather sticky situation (putting it mildly). Grateful can't even describe my feelings as it seems so meaningless and small in comparison to what things would have been like without them sticking by me.

My birthday came and went and served me a reminder that there are still those types of souls who really give a damn........and the timing couldn't have been any better. I've lost alot of close people recently. I have have been torn up and so close to falling. Falling is all I have ever known for so long (or the feeling at least). The fact that somebody caught me this time was an amazing feeling. Of course I still toss and turn but that dark 'pit' within my tummy doesn't have to bother me as it would have without them. I thank this person. I stick this entry under the 'Whats got me awake' section. I put it here because Im awake with hope rather than gripping panic and fear. Im awake knowing that no matter what, I'm going to be okay. Awake thinking I really lucked out! Tears spring to my eyes with a speechless amiration. Tears are wiped away with a part of me knowing that I have somebody who really saved me from that dark void. I was starting to think that my chest was hallow with just a vital organ keeping me alive but I feel fortunate that it is there beating....and that somebody cares it does too!

I don't presume to know what the future is going to bring me....but it feels so MUCH better knowing that there was a hand in my darkness. One that didn't use it to harm me (finally)...........a hand that chose to use it to help me (again, finally).

My list before bed tonight is a short one....

Grateful as I could ever be......and hopeful. So very grateful and Hopeful indeed!

Im reminded in my sadness that sometimes you gotta lose to gain and though I have lost so much, I gained so much too. And with that....to bed I go for a nap....

I just sort of feel more hollow than I have in such a long time. I had so much. A little online shop (I made custom and very detailed Book Of Shadows and so on). Two Digital Studios and sudenly one day the wind blew and away I went. A life without so much. Despite of the things and people I had to do without....I laughed.I knew I had a friend for life. Now, I have not only lost that one....but I feel like anything special, fun or being able to breathe again in a calm fashion. Get to bed at a decent hour. Arms around me when I'm 'down' or 'up' for that matter. Sometimes...the rescuer.....needs only a fragment of rescuing too. Will somebody save her? *sighs*

Perhaps this too is part of the 'bigger plan at hand'....but it is hard to see when you hold on for dear life...all the fucking time.

Okay,for everybody who wished me a happy birthday, which was wild how manyof you already have *head spins* THANK YOU DEARLY! It means a great deal. Especially now. So....As promised to some fellow friends...look at these images/presents I got. How cool huh?! :P

Thank You again Guys!

The need to suck upon something. What a sadistic little fixation. *sighs*

...and off to bed I go....